by John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person
”The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
A final thought – ” Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC”.”
16 June 2012
March 14, 2017
Argument Clinic: Strawmanning With John Cleese
Comment @ FreeThoughtBlog:
Cleese appears to have built a strawman of someone who is going around telling people to be quiet.
Pierce R. Butler – March 14, 2017
Not to defend the fusty fighters against the dreaded Pee Cee, but I gather that certain British institutions (perhaps in the spirit of the UK’s legendary libel laws) have gone quite a bit further with the quixotic quest to avoid “offending” selected sensitivities.
Of course, since Cleese dulls his own blade by neglecting to name any names, or incidents, or anything, standing up for him becomes an exercise in footless, feckless, futility. Maybe John Oliver will be kind enough to offer him a refresher on cutting-edge satire.
we need more people that speak out against the utter madness that is political correctness!
Extreme Political Correctness is actually Anti-Social and Anti-Human. It is the worst form of hypocrisy when it’s cultural norm idea is suppose to bring peace and unity with humans. It forces humans to not be human anymore but rather forces humans to be a bunch of boring dull robots without any souls.
GW: Made in 2016 & called Big Think eh? Smacks of yet another part of Cameron’s ”Big Society”. We even had it in Hertfordshire when TC MP Watford Rich Harrington started spouting about the ”Big Idea”. Just how many Bigs are there? Big Ben, Big Issue (Biggish Shoe), Big Boobies and so forth.